The Golden Globes...

St. Angeline Jolie. Christ, and yes, I blaspheme......I am sick of Ms Holier than Thou pouting and posing and postulating on the red carpet. When asked by Seacrest about her concerns about her movie being accepted by Hollywood, she rather frostily responded that she was more concerned about all the murders and rapes in Bosnia and how the people of the country would respond to her directorial debut. Nothing says red carpet glamour and E! channel than rape and murder! What a great bit of confabulating from St.Angie! Girlfriend knows how to engage in light chit chat! I appreciate an agenda, however, read your audience, girl! You're talking to the E! channel, not CNN. The audience probably think Bosnia is someone going out with a Kardashian. I liked her better when she was carrying the vile of blood around her neck, was shagging Billy-Bob and was acting all sorts of batshit crazy.

Oh, and I hated her dress. If you're going to wear an $80,000 gown and then bemoan the misfortunes of the Bosnians....maybe wear something they would wear, like their national dress. Practical and flattering for all! (In saying that, every moron would still place her on the best dressed list....).

Angie in all her unwarranted superiority....

Jessica "I'm not wearing a ring " Biel sashayed onto the red carpet.....in a little House on the Prarie ensemble. Shannon Doherty wants her costume back. NOW. Or the Sister Wives....

Girlfriends know how to rock a long sleave frock! Polygamy 4 eva! The know how to bring sexy back!






And this brings us to.....Sarah Michelle Gellar.....

You know what? There's a lot going on here, but I would rate her latest foray into TV, "Ringer", a far greater mess.

http://perezhilton.com/2011-09-21-the-soup-joel-mchale-sarah-michelle-gellar-ringer-spoof-ken-jeong

Despite Buffy's claims this is a designer garment.....I'm a little suspicious..I think someone has been investing in a Chinese dress-maker...

http://www.edressit.com/

However....more power to her! SMG, I salute you....at least you weren't in some boring beige fishtale a la Alba! Although I am yet to have confirmation that this dress is actually Hyper-Colour. If it is, this will rocket to my number 1 best dressed....seriously.

Now that's fashion!

 

Pushy Parents, there's a new sherriff in town....

Pushy parents....gotta love them. If you couldn't do it yourself, why not spend a lifetime living vicariously through your child's achievements? I've always believed that my calling is to be a 'stage-mom'....now, if only I could be completely forceful and aggressive enough to pressure my children to live my dream. They don't seem so keen on being the next Britney Spears. Honestly, they are so selfish sometimes.... ah, but I digress! Where was I?...........John Tomic! He is my new favourite sideline psycho. Novels should be written about this 'pussy cat' of a man.....'From Croatia to Gold Coast Cabbie to Coach: The John Tomic Journey'. John had a dream...and he (sure as hell) is making young (don't call me Weekend at) Bernie is living it! (Actually come to think of it, no one dares to call him Bernie...it's BERNARD). From sideline altercations, road rage, abuse, game stopping and....gasp...feuding with the Royal Family of Tennis....the Hewitts, John has power housed his way through Australian tennis. And so he should....live that Aussie dream, John, live it! Wear a QANTAS cap at the Australian Open when it's sponsored by Virgin....because you are JT! Too bad we all felt completely nauseated by Bernard's profuse thanking of the crowd after his first round win yesterday. Um, PR training anyone? But JT didn't let us down.... as the hapless Channel 7 reporter attempted to get a few words from him, JT sprung from his chair and charged to the change room...this man is always on the clock! So, Mr Williams, Mr Pearce, Mr Dokic....there's a new sports dad in town...and I get the feeling we have not seen the last of JT.....

Best Australia Open commentator by far....

If there's one thing that can make me simultaneously uncomfortable and excited.....it's the appearance of the perma-tanned (some may say swarthy) and mega-watted smiled (and alliterated) Roger Rasheed! Warney, you were late on the bandwagon of the polished bronze gent....Roger has been a front-runner for years! RR gazes down the barrel of the camera with such intensity that it may give the viewer the feeling of being inappropriately undressed with his penetrating gaze and low murmuring voice. It's like watching Grant Hackett try to read the news.....severely uncomfortable and yet you can't look away. Car crash? More like semi-trailer....and 500 car pile-up during peak hour. I'm looking forward to listening to Roger's dulcet tones and staying a safe distance away from the TV when he starts looking longingly into the camera. Camera 1, 2,3, Roger! Ah, he's always ready for his close-up and that's why we love him.....

Make love to that camera, Roger.....you know you want to....

Oh Damir.....

Now that he and Jelena have reconciled (for the 50 millionth time), we can only hold our breath and hope that the professional purveyor of all things fish can storm on to centre court and give us one big bag of crazies. Damir Dokic! The ranting! The spoonerisms! The disillusionment! True Aussie through and through! Come to think of it, not sure what nationality Jelena is carding around these days....but we'll take you Jelena ....and your Dad, everybody in Australia loves a hot steaming mess! Hopefully Tennis Australia is not depriving us from this raw Aussie diamond and banning Damir from the courts this year. Free Damir!

And final words from Damir, as uttered in all his verboseness....

"I love women, wine, food and kids. And by women I mean women. Not wife."

But the real Queen is....

If Sherilyn 'n' Glynn are the glamour couple of the tennis circuit, there is only one Queen on the Scene.....Queen Oracene! The hair! The nonchalance! True tennis royalty is Oracene and her ever changing hairstyles....no style is left untouched by this matriarch. We here in Australia are humbled by her presence. All hail the Queen!

Australian Open 2012

A touch of glamour graced centre court last night at the Aussie Open when real Australian royalty cheered on lil Ley Ley to his predictable 5 set (comeback! fist pump! double chainsaw!) win. Ley Ley's parents never fail to steal the scene! Forget crazy Daddy Tomic and his haunted eyes of 'I used to drive a cab in Bosnia and now I'm going to make $$$ from my ridiculously named son Bernard,dammit'....the golden couple are Sherilyn and Glynn! The matching names! The matching tracksuits! The mullet! The bleach! What has always impressed me is that they named their kids with similar sounding names....before there was Jyaden and La-a...there was Lleyton, Jaslyn, Sherilyn and Glynn. Oh the family that has phonetics together, stays together!

I salute the Hewitts, you will always be my Posh and Becks of the tennis circuit.....